So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
