We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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