i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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