After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
