Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
