I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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