Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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