Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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