he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
