mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
