just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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