the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
