I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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