I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize