I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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