You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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