Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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