I feel like abortions should bother me more
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
