Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
