in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
