the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
