I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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