You just made me feel so damn special
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
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of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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