wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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