I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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