During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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