I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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