If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
