hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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