In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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