She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
