Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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