Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
