you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
