We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize