Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
