you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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