A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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