We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
