you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
