I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
