Whoa Z and x make the same sound
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
