Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
