Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
