I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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