he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
