That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
