Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
