I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
