I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
