This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
