she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
