She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
