I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
