I think i peed on brittanys purse
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
