After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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