She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
