im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He shit in the fireplace
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize