the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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