Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
