im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
