if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
