a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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