I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
