I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
