so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
