end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
