Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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