Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
