So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
