I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
