Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
