Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
